Lovely World

today

A couple of photos from my workroom this morning. So quiet in the house once the kids are off to school.

The final photo is a new rabbit I made yesterday, now ready for a face and tail. The hand dyed wool I have been working with is absolutely beautiful: soft yet nicely thick, subtle color changes throughout in purples and pink.

I was happy to recently find the Dharma Seed podcast. This is a collection of talks given by teachers of vipassana meditation in the Buddhist tradition. I once lived nearby the Insight Meditation Society in Barre, Massachusetts and was able to attend retreats there. Now, my life is such that it is harder to go on retreat for a week at a time, so listening to these talks is helpful.

"Put forth your effort

With no thought of gain."

 ❀ Maribeth

textiles, with a touch of imperfection

:: My mother gave me two vintage linen tote bags: one with peacocks done in a knot stitch, the other a border motif in cross stitch. They are both so well executed. I can see a few "extra" stitches on the cross stitch. You can too if you look carefully.

:: These extra stitches remind me of the Japanese concept of Wabi-sabi, which in general means the acceptance of imperfection and transience. How freeing is that, particularly set next to some of the Western ideas about beauty and perfection?

:: Here are some other words I came across to describe the qualities of Wabi-sabi: simplicity, economy, austerity, asymmetry, modesty, irregularity, and appreciation of natural objects and processes.

:: I one time made some Raku pottery. In Raku, the vessels are fired at a low temperature. When you remove them from the kiln, they are immediately submerged in cold water (traditionally maybe even tea water!) or smothered in material, such as sawdust, which catches on fire and then finally cools. This dramatic process from hot to cool causes very unexpected, uncontrollable results: crackling of the glaze, marks from the smoke and fire. Raku is a very good example of Wabi-sabi in action.

:: I also like to think about Jazz music and the quilts I have seen made by African American women (see here and here). Improvisation leaves lots of room for imperfection and happy accidents.

control

Do you ever try to control the people and things around you?

I do sometimes (I used to do it a lot more, I'm loosening up). And it never really gets me anywhere. I have begun to note that the harder I push at controlling people or things, the worse it feels. My body and mind become tight, constricted, and inflexible as I try to impose outcomes that would probably be well enough left alone.

My children and my husband are often at the receiving end of my efforts to control. I think this comes from the perceived role I have taken on to make the day, and our lives in general, run along smoothly and on schedule. Do you ever find yourself barking out orders like a drill sergeant? In particular, I do this in the morning as the kids get ready for school and in the evening as it gets close to bedtime. This is good for no one. And interestingly, on the days I am not working myself up into a tizzy, everyone gets off to school and to bed just fine.

Another potential area of trouble: food. Trying to control what my kids eat. That is a tough one. (One of the very funniest essays I ever read touches so beautifully on this: Ian Frazier's "Lamentations of the Father" in the Atlantic).

So where is the better place to be? Of course, it never hurts to ground myself right there in the moment. No worries about what comes next. My infatuation with the past and future only act to unanchor me from the task at hand.

I recently found myself sorting it out this way:

control = fear of loss of control = burden to self and others

loving care = interdependence = closer trusting relationships

So, I can be a parent (or be a wife, or a friend) who acts out of a place of fearful control or out of loving care. I pick the latter. How about you?

I've noticed this process of control vs care in knitting. When I'm knitting without angst, the yarn gently unwinds from the ball and twists itself into the piece I am making. If I am in some way frustrated with my progress, I am more likely to drop a stitch or knit too tightly or botch things up some other way.

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"Only in an open, nonjudgemental space can we acknowledge what we are feeling. Only in an open space where we're not all caught up in our own version of reality can we see and hear and feel who others are, which allows us to be with them and communicate with them properly." Pema Chodron

blue

Yes. There is more snow this morning. Heavy and sticky. Some vanilla frosting for the trees.

A knitting project almost completed.

A new doll. The figures I am painting have inspired me to translate them into cloth. I am making removable clothes for it.

An old print of forget-me-nots hanging on my daughter's bedroom wall. You can see her violet collection on the windowsill. My grandmother grew violets as a hobby. It makes me happy that Miriam enjoys keeping them too.

A niggly migraine hanging about my head for the past few days. Goodbye to it already.

It is a transformative experience to simply pause instead of immediately filling up the space. By waiting, we begin to connect with fundamental restlessness as well as fundamental spaciousness. (Pema Chodron When Things Fall Apart)

generosity

Earlier this week I began making a list of tasks I generally do every day, every week, every month, and seasonally. I started this list because I have felt disorganized and forgetful lately (likely a result of having too many little details to keep track of).

I surprised myself by adding "give something away" to my list of weekly tasks. I just jotted it down without even realizing I was writing it. But, I love the idea. I could give away something I have made, or simply something that I don't need any longer, but is still in good shape and might be useful to someone else.

Yesterday I gave my friend L a little package as we stood in the schoolyard waiting to pick up our children. She is a beekeeper, and as a card I cut out the page with the illustration of a honey bee from a tattered copy of the "Golden Book of Insects." You can see Mr. Albus Dumbledore checking out my wrapping skills in the middle photo.

Mother Nature gave me a gift this morning - a beautiful sunrise. It is bitterly cold here this morning, making the colors of the sunrise seem all the more crisp and brilliant. This is the view looking out my front window.

With gentleness overcome anger.

With generosity overcome meanness.

With truth overcome deceit.

- The Buddha

I thought this was a good quote, as it is Human Rights Day today.

The Buddha

I recently watched a very well-done program on PBS called "The Buddha." It traced the life of the Buddha and the development of Buddhism, including its spread to the West. I was so taken by the scholars, poets, and practitioners the filmmaker chose to interview for the film - W.S. Merwin, Robert Thurman (perhaps best known as Uma Thurman's dad, although I have always thought of Uma as Robert Thurman's daughter), Mark Epstein, Jane Hirschfield, and the Dali Lama, to name a few. I would highly recommend that you watch the program if you can.

I first became drawn to Buddhism in my early 20s, when I began to practice mindfulness and meditation. I was struck by the simple (well, simple in concept, more difficult in practice) way that Buddhism talked about suffering. Suffering was familiar, of course. But the idea that my suffering was caused by either aversion or craving was eye-opening. It made so much sense. The more I pulled things toward me, or the harder I pushed them away, the more problems I encountered. I think that this basic awareness has allowed me to live a more balanced life. Meditation is the place that I have been able to see my own inner workings more clearly. It is the place where I can have all kinds of thoughts, but not attach to them. There is great freedom in not believing everything you think.

quotable sunday

Let go

and make yourself independent and free,

not being bound by things

and not seeking to escape from things.

- Yuanwu

quotable sunday

Even poor or suffering people raise their children with deep love. Their hearts cannot be understood by others. This can be known only when you become a father or a mother. They do not care whether they themselves are poor or rich; their only concern is that their children will grow up. They pay no attention to whether they themselves are cold or hot, but cover their children to protect them from the cold or shield them from the hot sun. This is extreme kindness. Only those who have aroused this mind can know it, and only those who practice this mind can understand it.

Dogen Zenji

"Instruction for the Tenzo"

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I found this quote in a book I highly recommend:

Momma Zen: Walking the Crooked Path of Motherhood

by Karen Maezen Miller

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(The above photo is of my daughter holding a jar of blueberries

she and her friends picked at a local orchard.

They collected only the largest, bluest, juiciest berries they could find.)

quotable sunday

Do not utter words that can create discord

and cause the community to break.

Make every effort to reconcile and resolve all conflicts,

however small.

Thich Nhat Hanh

from Being Peace

golden rule

This morning at breakfast, the kids started in with that little bickering that goes on, I'm sure, between siblings everywhere. This bickering is quite irritating to me, and I have tried many strategies to deal with it. I recently came across a list of examples of the golden rule as expressed by many of the world's religions. As my kids finished their oatmeal, I talked with them about this simple "rule" and declared that in honor of the month of June, we should all try to be more mindful of being kind to each other. Kids have short term memories, and no knack for keeping track of resolutions, but I think that this Mama should practice the golden rule as often as possible as an example for her kids.

Here's the list, found in Sue Patton Thoele's "The Mindful Woman."

Buddhism: Treat not others in ways that you yourself would find hurtful. (Buddha)

Judaism: What is hateful to you, do not do to your neighbor. This is the whole Torah; all the rest is commentary. Go and learn it. (Hillel)

Christianity: In everything, do to others as you would have them do to you. (Jesus)

Islam: Not one of you truly believes until you wish for others what you wish for yourself. (The Prophet Muhammad)

Hinduism: Do not do to others what would cause pain if done to you. (Mahabharata)

Sufism: The basis of Sufism is consideration of the hearts and feelings of others. If you haven't the will to gladden someone's heart, then at least beware lest you hurt someone's heart, for this is our path. (Dr. Javad Nurbakhsh)

Native American Spirituality: All things are our relatives; what we do to everything, we do to ourselves. (Black Elk)

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Happy June. It is really starting to feel like summer.